Negligent Scoopers, Beware!
February 27th, 2006 at 06:07pm Keith Hemstreet 8
THE WEEKLY FABRICATION
A strange report surfaced this week prompting authorities to issue a warning to all dog owners. According to the report a local man took it upon himself to punish two people who chose to ignore the city’s “scooping” ordinance by pelting them with their dog’s feces.
The city’s ordinance requires that all dog owners pick up after their animals, though it is rarely enforced, officials admitted.
John Peterson, a businessman from Miami, witnessed one such incident that occurred at Wagner Field.
“This woman was walking her dog and it stopped and did its business,” Peterson said. “I didn’t really think anything of it. Then I see a crazy man running across the field. He picks up the mess, throws it at the woman and runs off.”
“It was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen,” said Tonya Gonzales, who was in town on vacation from Kansas City. “I threw up in my mouth.”
“The woman just stood there crying,” said Andrew Thompson of the victim. “I’m sure she was stunned. I would be too if someone hit me with a pile of crap.”
Mr. Thompson described the man as “disheveled and grubby with a Grizzly Adams style beard.” He believed the man was wearing gloves, though he was not certain.
“You just don’t expect to see someone attacked with shit in broad daylight,” said Henry Pratt of Sydney, Australia. "Not in Aspen anyway.”
The second incident occurred the following day on the corner of Monarch Street and W. Hopkins. The victim of this pelting, who asked that his name be withheld, was interviewed at the scene.
“That guy is a maniac!” he yelled. “I want him found and prosecuted! Look at me! I’m covered in dog shit!” Pointing to his fecal splattered Labradoodle, a Labrador-Poodle hybrid, he shouted, “And look at poor Billy Ray! It’s going to cost me $200 to run him through the groomers! I want that lunatic to pay for it!”
Asked why he had ignored the city’s scooping ordinance, he replied angrily, “I usually pick it up! But sometimes I just don’t feel like it! Okay? So, screw you!”
“It was a bizarre thing to see, for sure,” said local, Damon Oliphant. “But that guy kind of seemed like a dick. So maybe he deserved it. You know, a karma thing.”
If you have any information regarding either attack please contact local authorities.
Entry Filed under: Aspen
4 Comments Add your own
1. steve@goldenberg.com | March 30th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Those two dog owners were treated badly. They should have been ticketed and fined. Dog owners should know that they must pickup after their pets and do it every time, in town, on Smuggler and at all the other parks and trails.
2. steve@goldenberg.com | June 24th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
Who the hell is Emzy III?
Where is he?
What is he?
3. Lost Sailor | November 30th, 2006 at 3:43 pm
Emzy Veazy is actually Roger Marolt - it's a clever disguise he dons to fool people with elaborate hoaxes like this one.
4. aspenoakes | October 4th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Tjis is the type of behavior that you can expect from the citizens when the authorities refuse to enforce laws.
Wheather it's failing to scoop, ignoring the status of an immigrant, or any of our laws. Those citizens that percieve a lack of enforcement will take matters into their own hands.
I hope the offenders in these cases have learned a lesson, and will remember the responsibilities they have as a dog owner. It doesn't matter if you "don't feel like it" , if you have forgotten bags, or even if you aren't feeling well. It is still your responsibility to pick up after your animal. It is for the benifit, health, and fresh air of our beautiful town that the "scoop the poop" law exists in the first place.
The gentleman was merely returning the propety of the dog owners to them, albeit in an over-enthusiastic manner.
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