OK. All of you who suffer the “Aspen Traffic Malady” are going to get an immediate prescription for the cure. Many times in life, when you first taste the medicine, you won’t like the way it goes down. However, we will all feel so much better once Highway 82’s “Upper Respiratory Congestion” is relieved.
Continue Reading 1 comment March 31st, 2006
This week went to Diavolo presented by the Aspen Santa Fe Ballet. First, I wonder if the performers think it is weird to be in an elementary school for their performances (the location of the Aspen District Theater). It’s a great venue for spectators. Small enough there isn’t really a bad seat in the house…unless you are in the front row to the side next to the speakers.
Continue Reading Add comment March 31st, 2006
I don’t pretend to get Woody Creek or to even know if it is gettable. But I’m glad it’s there: I’m glad there’s a place where the rules don’t apply even as I wonder what the rules might be. I love the fact that there is a place in the valley defined by a funky restaurant and store side-by-side with a lumpen trailer park. And of course there’s the beauty of the place to consider. Woody Creek, it seems to me, is always worth celebrating. Now I have another reason: their rejection of the USA Patriot Act in a Bill of Rights Defense Resolution that asks all government officials to “protect and defend” the U.S. Constitution.
Continue Reading 1 comment March 31st, 2006
Congratulations to the Aspen Post on its launch! Look for silly-bodysuited creatures waving at traffic at Valley intersections holding huge signs that say ‘ASPENPOST.NET’!
Uh, actually… don’t. That would be a KUUR-FM sort of publicity ploy.
Continue Reading 5 comments March 30th, 2006
There are perhaps three or four dozen ways to slice the salami in Aspen. Income. Car. Home. Job. Curb appeal. Snob appeal. Leather. And so forth. But for my money nothing slices and dices like what plastic surgery has done to our town.
Think about it. We make jokes about face lifts and boob jobs and bottled-up blondes and whatever other physical altercations this particular market might bear. But the jokes skim off the surface like an old wrinkle shrink-wrapped for good. And we miss the point that plastic surgery has brought us all together.
Continue Reading Add comment March 28th, 2006
You know what they say, “Think Global, Act Local.” Good advice. Lead by example. It is likely that the environmental accomplishments of your hometown will be noticed by citizens of other communities who will be inspired to implement similar policies. Word of your deeds will spread from town to town, across the nation, around the world. Efficiencies will be created as ideas are replicated. Processes will be improved upon. The earth will begin to heal.
Continue Reading March 28th, 2006
I'm a new mom, but I'm not new to giving advice - even when my friends don't care to listen. Last week, my two twentysomething nieces embarked on a knock-down-drag-out Spring Break trip to Mexico. Of course, I couldn't let them leave without sharing with them my "Top 10 Mamafied Tips to a Fun, Jail-Free Spring Break."
1. Don't let guys buy you drinks. I'm sorry but I've been roofied before and it's not fun waking up in some club after passing out involuntarily. In that same vein, if you can, drink with a top and a straw (think iced coffee). Otherwise a hand on top of your cocktail at all times, thank you. Remember sickos are everywhere.
Continue Reading March 24th, 2006
Step right up for our Third Anniversary Operation Iraqi Freedom Celebration!
Things are going great—and if you don’t believe me then give a listen to Rush Limbaugh in his Anniversary III speech comparing the 2,300 dead United States soldiers with the 120,000 Americans who died in car crashes over the last three years without any military intervention whatsoever—and the thousands of our fellow citizens who died when they fell down or took poison.
All you’ve got to do to have a good old time all the ding-dong Anniversary day is to re-calibrate what you think of the dead bodies coming back from Iraq. It was easier to celebrate when our government would not let us see the bodies at all, not even when they were draped in the American flag.
Continue Reading Add comment March 20th, 2006
For seasoned and novice gamblers alike, there is nothing like March Madness. Sixty-four teams in a single elimination tournament, every player giving it his all, knowing it is do-or-die, the season and a potential national title at stake.
So how does one maximize his chances of winning big money? If you think I’m about to put forth a strategy or present my picks, you’re insane. I saw what happened to Mathew McConaughey in “Two for the Money.” When his picks didn’t work out a bunch of crazy bastards threatened his life.
That’s not to say I don’t have a strategy. I do. It’s a brilliant strategy, in fact. I found it on the internet. “Guaranteed Money Maker!” the website read. “You can’t lose.” Total score, right?
Continue Reading March 15th, 2006
THE WEEKLY FABRICATION
Renowned psychologist, Dr. Jonathan Trapp, released the findings of a two-year study yesterday, which claims that vacations can actually increase stress.
The findings put to rest the notion that vacations are one of the best ways to rejuvenate mind, body and spirit.
Continue Reading March 5th, 2006
