Don't Push Me 'Cus I'm Close To The Edge

March 23rd, 2007 at 07:23pm Keith Hemstreet 8

It’s that time of year again. The end of another season for the Aspen service industry. A time when frustration is high, morale is low, and fuses are short. Four months have passed since the slopes opened and tourists began pouring into our quiet little town. We’ve all encountered our share of pompous, condescending vacationers. Under great duress, we’ve often bitten our tongue, forced a smile and done our best to be accommodating. Some of us, however, have had enough. We’ve been pushed over the line. We are past the point of no return. Simply put, some of us have gone mad.

For sake of illustration, I’ve listed a few quotes below. All of which were recently overheard around town.

INT. SKI SHOP – DAY

A Ski Technician slams screwdriver down on the table after being insulted by a customer.

SKI TECH: If we lived in mid-evil times, I’d challenge that dickhead to a dual and kill him.

(Please, someone toss this man a sword).

INT. COFFEE SHOP – EARLY MORNING

Tourist enters coffee shop, typing on his Blackberry.

TOURIST: (to Barista) What’s going on with the weather? Are we going to get any snow, or what?

BARISTA: I don’t know. Why don’t you email God and ask him?

INT. HOTEL - AFTERNOON

A vacationer stomps away from the front desk after claiming a concierge screwed up his dinner reservation.

VACATIONER: You people are incompetent!

Vacationer exits through door.

CONCIERGE: How about I punch you in the throat, Asshole?

So, there we have it. It seems we should all book flights to some far away island in the south pacific, settle on an uninhabited stretch of beach, and befriend a coconut. (As we all know, coconuts are rarely condescending).

To all of you out there teetering on the edge of the abyss, I offer my support. Remain strong. Take a deep breath. We’ve almost made it.

Entry Filed under: Comedy, Aspen, People, Pitkin County