Honk If You Like Your Boobs Big

November 21st, 2007 at 09:06pm Michael Conniff 2

Don't you dare read this if you are a woman of any sort or even a guy who has even the slightest feminist leanings. This blog is not for you--don't even think about reading one sentence further or you will be offended beyond all recovery.

This is actually my third attempt--here's attempt one and two-- to assay the meaning of fake boobs in Aspen and I am tired of acting like an intellectual when it comes to things that go bump in the night. This one's for you, Dude, the guy who likes to look at them and then immediately get to the et cetera part.

So here's the skinny. Remember the beautiful young woman who agreed to subsidized breasts from the older man? Well this week I had the chance to appreciate the fruit of the surgeon's labor in the form of a low-cut blouse worn by the aforesaid beauty. To cut to the chase, forget everything I said before about her breasts. Intellectual arguements aside, the new goalposts are spectacular baby, round and full and perfect. And then the next day I saw her again in a turtleneck sweater.

Bingo! They are a thing of beauty.

So here's what I think. If God had wanted women to have imperfect breasts he would never have invented fake boobs. Instead, he wanted men and women to enjoy them equally for completely different reasons. It's God's way of making this a more perfect world for men and women everywhere.

I decided that at the end of the day you should judge each boob job individually on its merits--but only after you've gotten a closer look.

Entry Filed under: Fashion, Health, Aspen, Colorado, Pitkin County, Women, United Post

4 Comments Add your own

1. steve@goldenberg.com | November 22nd, 2007 at 2:32 pm

After two years, I finally agree with your politics on this issue.
2. Jim Vail | November 23rd, 2007 at 6:25 pm

Another surprize, Michael! I didn't expect this subject matter on the Post, but I "udderly" agree with the content. Admittedly though, your "hook" or "grabber", whatever you wish to call it, on the first page was excellent, but I was a bit disappointed with the finish. Guess I expected something a bit more graphic. Oh, well!

"He who has no expectations will never be disappointed."
Confucius
3. B Jon Traylor | November 23rd, 2007 at 9:02 pm

Know why us guys have a hard time looking a woman in the eye?.... cuz we are too oftenly engaged on tits with other eyes.
I'll be blatantly honest. I love tits, boobs, breasts, etc. They don't have to be big, in my book, but they need to be real, and I mean REAL!
It's all about the nips baby! Big, thick, perky munchable nipples.
The women I've been with who have the big "perfect" tits, well, honestly, they owe it all to silicone and lack severely in the nip dept.
Give me soft. Give me flab. Give me sag. But, give me real, damnit! I can't tell you how many times I walked away from a beautiful, fake, woman.... who most always had fake boobs.
Good Night .Ags won against Longhorns, so things are well. Ags wone in BB by 25 for NIT preseason chamnpionship over Ohio St. so thats an added bonus.. Some nachos and peppers and sour cream and salsa are in order. Perhaps I'll get lucky and play with some REAL 36C boobs tonight! -- J
4. Jerry Bovino | November 25th, 2007 at 6:00 pm

I don't get fake boobs. If I wanted something to define a 90 degree angle, I would use the protractor I bought for use in Miss Brodbar's 10th grade geometry class.
However, I admit I am the outlier on this subject. Recently, a drop-dead gorgeous girl walked in front of 30 guys on aerbobic machines at the Aspen Club. She had one of those improbable bodies that only occurs once in every 2 million live births. 60 eyes locked on her breasts and followed them like a laser-tracking device. One of the guys on the front stairmaster looked back as his buddies and said something to the effect of "I went out with that girl and their fake." All the other men just shook their head at the guy in front and mumbled "Yeah....so what .....and your point is?"